Going to Change Blog a Little
5/26/2020
It has been more than a year since I last wrote anything on here. What have a done since then?
-I graduated from ETSU with my bachelor's in engineering technology! I managed to graduate with institutional honors due to finishing my undergraduate thesis.
-I have a 2nd job interview this Thursday for a process engineering job. I hope I do well, because I truly want that job!
-I am also applying for Officer Training School of the Air Force. I want to become an officer in the future, and the Air Force loves taking in engineers.
Basically, even though school is over I still got a lot I am working on and I am truly excited for the first time in my life to see what the future holds for me. The hard work I have been putting in all my life in school is finally paying off. I am truly grateful and blessed!
5/26/2020
It has been more than a year since I last wrote anything on here. What have a done since then?
-I graduated from ETSU with my bachelor's in engineering technology! I managed to graduate with institutional honors due to finishing my undergraduate thesis.
-I have a 2nd job interview this Thursday for a process engineering job. I hope I do well, because I truly want that job!
-I am also applying for Officer Training School of the Air Force. I want to become an officer in the future, and the Air Force loves taking in engineers.
Basically, even though school is over I still got a lot I am working on and I am truly excited for the first time in my life to see what the future holds for me. The hard work I have been putting in all my life in school is finally paying off. I am truly grateful and blessed!
Final Set of Hours
4/30/2019
I had to do my hours during the weekend and ask for some days off at work.
I was able to put in 15 hours overall, since the 2nd of April.
7 at the soup kitchen, 4 at the library, 4 on spending time finding good sources for my thesis. I don't know if I will be able to complete this semester with a decent GPA, but I'd figured I'd try to make the best of it and find sources anyway. I'm not ready to give up yet. I can only hope for the best now. I've made it this far. This is the only good thing I can say.
IN SUMMARY:
I ended up putting 35 hours worth of community service hours and working on my thesis. Even if I might not need to write the thesis anymore. Who knows.
4/30/2019
I had to do my hours during the weekend and ask for some days off at work.
I was able to put in 15 hours overall, since the 2nd of April.
7 at the soup kitchen, 4 at the library, 4 on spending time finding good sources for my thesis. I don't know if I will be able to complete this semester with a decent GPA, but I'd figured I'd try to make the best of it and find sources anyway. I'm not ready to give up yet. I can only hope for the best now. I've made it this far. This is the only good thing I can say.
IN SUMMARY:
I ended up putting 35 hours worth of community service hours and working on my thesis. Even if I might not need to write the thesis anymore. Who knows.
Hours Again...
4/2/2019
I had a hard time logging into my blog again, but I finally did it!
Anyway.....I put in 15 hours....6 at the library, 4 from making another bracelet, and 5 at the soup kitchen.
Since I won't be graduating this semester like originally planned, I've come with an agreement with my mentor to work on finishing my thesis during the summer and have it turned in by then. I am incredibly sad about my plans not turning out as I expected them to turn out, but hopefully everything will work out just fine.
4/2/2019
I had a hard time logging into my blog again, but I finally did it!
Anyway.....I put in 15 hours....6 at the library, 4 from making another bracelet, and 5 at the soup kitchen.
Since I won't be graduating this semester like originally planned, I've come with an agreement with my mentor to work on finishing my thesis during the summer and have it turned in by then. I am incredibly sad about my plans not turning out as I expected them to turn out, but hopefully everything will work out just fine.
Hours So Far...
3/4/2019
I haven't been able to put in as many hours as I originally hoped (due to the recent chain of events), but I managed to get 6 hours of community service. I went to a soup kitchen in Morristown and volunteered my time cleaning in the kitchen.
3/4/2019
I haven't been able to put in as many hours as I originally hoped (due to the recent chain of events), but I managed to get 6 hours of community service. I went to a soup kitchen in Morristown and volunteered my time cleaning in the kitchen.
-When It Rains, It Pours
3/4/2019
I have recently been through a lot and got behind in school. My grades probably don't look too stellar at the moment but I am doing everything I can to bring them up.
It started in late January (the 28th) when my mom got really sick and I had to take her to the hospital. At first, the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her because they thought she had hepatitis, she got tested, and the results came back negative. They concluded that she has autoimmune hepatitis. Personally, I don't know what to think of that diagnoses. From my research, I found out that no one really knows what causes it, but it's most likely genetic. Therefore, I am at risk of getting this disorder myself when I grow older. For now, I am to focus on my mother and making sure she is okay.
She spent 3 weeks in the hospital, and on a February 11 (Monday), I wrecked my car on I-26. I am still very ashamed of the wreck because I never thought that I would get in a car wreck. Yes, I feel that I am to blame for the accident. There were cars up ahead in the left lane and I was driving 70 miles an hour. For some reason, the cars were slowing down and came to a full stop. I was not able to break my car in time and since the roads were still slick from the heavy rain, my car tires slid a bit and I rear-ended a car in front of me. The damage to their car, from what I could see, was mostly to the back right of the car. I hope I didn't damage the axle of the car. However, since my car also hit the side rails after hitting this car, the damage to my vehicle was worse than theirs. The front was in really bad shape and I heard something pop in the front when it hit the side rail. I had the car towed. The tires on the car were still kind of new and I wanted them, but the driver of the towing truck said that he wouldn't remove them for me. Anyway, the car is crushed and gone for good. I had to replace it with another car, and to my misfortune...I ended up with a lemon of a car. The more I have driven it, the more noises it makes. Since I paid cash for it from a guy in Dandridge, I am now stuck with this car. Five days after I bought this lemon car, someone broke a window on it during the night. I filed a police report the following day after I saw the damage, but so far I haven't heard anything about who did it. Five other people around the block where I live had the same happen to them. I hope the person who did this is found, because now the money I have to spend on this car has increased.
The experience of having my mom in the hospital due to a rare condition, wrecking my car, buying a bad car afterward, and the stress of classes led me to drop one of the courses I was taking. I would have graduated in May, but now I will be graduating in the Summer of 2019. I hope that nothing else happens, because I am not sure if I could emotionally and mentally take another hard blow right now. I am currently going to counseling hoping to recover enough to save my grades. The important thing is that my mom is recovering and that I didn't end up in the hospital myself due to a wreck. It could have been worse.
3/4/2019
I have recently been through a lot and got behind in school. My grades probably don't look too stellar at the moment but I am doing everything I can to bring them up.
It started in late January (the 28th) when my mom got really sick and I had to take her to the hospital. At first, the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her because they thought she had hepatitis, she got tested, and the results came back negative. They concluded that she has autoimmune hepatitis. Personally, I don't know what to think of that diagnoses. From my research, I found out that no one really knows what causes it, but it's most likely genetic. Therefore, I am at risk of getting this disorder myself when I grow older. For now, I am to focus on my mother and making sure she is okay.
She spent 3 weeks in the hospital, and on a February 11 (Monday), I wrecked my car on I-26. I am still very ashamed of the wreck because I never thought that I would get in a car wreck. Yes, I feel that I am to blame for the accident. There were cars up ahead in the left lane and I was driving 70 miles an hour. For some reason, the cars were slowing down and came to a full stop. I was not able to break my car in time and since the roads were still slick from the heavy rain, my car tires slid a bit and I rear-ended a car in front of me. The damage to their car, from what I could see, was mostly to the back right of the car. I hope I didn't damage the axle of the car. However, since my car also hit the side rails after hitting this car, the damage to my vehicle was worse than theirs. The front was in really bad shape and I heard something pop in the front when it hit the side rail. I had the car towed. The tires on the car were still kind of new and I wanted them, but the driver of the towing truck said that he wouldn't remove them for me. Anyway, the car is crushed and gone for good. I had to replace it with another car, and to my misfortune...I ended up with a lemon of a car. The more I have driven it, the more noises it makes. Since I paid cash for it from a guy in Dandridge, I am now stuck with this car. Five days after I bought this lemon car, someone broke a window on it during the night. I filed a police report the following day after I saw the damage, but so far I haven't heard anything about who did it. Five other people around the block where I live had the same happen to them. I hope the person who did this is found, because now the money I have to spend on this car has increased.
The experience of having my mom in the hospital due to a rare condition, wrecking my car, buying a bad car afterward, and the stress of classes led me to drop one of the courses I was taking. I would have graduated in May, but now I will be graduating in the Summer of 2019. I hope that nothing else happens, because I am not sure if I could emotionally and mentally take another hard blow right now. I am currently going to counseling hoping to recover enough to save my grades. The important thing is that my mom is recovering and that I didn't end up in the hospital myself due to a wreck. It could have been worse.
Done with my hours
12/10/2018
I have completed my hours. I actually finished them last week but I didn't get a chance to write them down on the blog. I have put in 10 hours towards thesis. 1 of those hours was towards trying to write something, but I wasn't very successful at writing a lot. I put in 5 hours towards community service, but this time I just went to the public library and put books back in the shelf.
14+6+10+5=35 hours.
12/10/2018
I have completed my hours. I actually finished them last week but I didn't get a chance to write them down on the blog. I have put in 10 hours towards thesis. 1 of those hours was towards trying to write something, but I wasn't very successful at writing a lot. I put in 5 hours towards community service, but this time I just went to the public library and put books back in the shelf.
14+6+10+5=35 hours.
It's been crazy...
11/20/2018
It's been a crazy semester and I haven't really written on my blog throughout the semester but I have been working on my hours. I have dedicated 6 hours to community service. I went to a women's shelter, and I cleaned and organized a room where they put all the donations that they get. I swept the floor a little bit too. Most of my hours have been dedicated to working on my thesis. It all has not been writing, since I have been trying to find decent sources and I have spent quite a bit of time on reading. I have dedicated 14 hours to my thesis so far. I hope to get another 10-15 hours before the semester is over.
11/20/2018
It's been a crazy semester and I haven't really written on my blog throughout the semester but I have been working on my hours. I have dedicated 6 hours to community service. I went to a women's shelter, and I cleaned and organized a room where they put all the donations that they get. I swept the floor a little bit too. Most of my hours have been dedicated to working on my thesis. It all has not been writing, since I have been trying to find decent sources and I have spent quite a bit of time on reading. I have dedicated 14 hours to my thesis so far. I hope to get another 10-15 hours before the semester is over.
Finally done with all my project hours...
4/22/18
I have completed 8 hours over a course of two days for the 25 hours necessary for a project of my choosing. I did a combination of community service hours, bracelet-making, and yesterday I decided to work on my thesis again. I want to incorporate a bit of design concepts into my thesis, so I decided to use a program called SketchUp to start designing my very own tiny house. I'm not even done yet, and I've already spent 8 hours on it. I got most of the framing done, including the roof, and I hope to make some changes on the roof to make it a bit unique. After that, the sheathing will come next. Here are some pictures...
4/22/18
I have completed 8 hours over a course of two days for the 25 hours necessary for a project of my choosing. I did a combination of community service hours, bracelet-making, and yesterday I decided to work on my thesis again. I want to incorporate a bit of design concepts into my thesis, so I decided to use a program called SketchUp to start designing my very own tiny house. I'm not even done yet, and I've already spent 8 hours on it. I got most of the framing done, including the roof, and I hope to make some changes on the roof to make it a bit unique. After that, the sheathing will come next. Here are some pictures...
Community Service Hours
4/8/18
Yesterday I went to West High in Morristown to do community service hours. They had an event for the teachers that had been teaching at that school for a long time. We had to be there at 9 a.m. to help set up tables and help put salad dressing in some plastic bottles since the guests were going to have salad along with their meal. When the guests started arriving, we had to serve them drinks. There were some speeches given, and then we brought out the food. They had dessert as well. I was basically a waitress the whole time. After the guests left, we had to clean up everything, which included dishes, cups, table cloths, trash, tables, and chairs. Overall, I put in 6 hours of community service.
11 hours
+6 hours
---------------
17 hours out of 25 hours
4/8/18
Yesterday I went to West High in Morristown to do community service hours. They had an event for the teachers that had been teaching at that school for a long time. We had to be there at 9 a.m. to help set up tables and help put salad dressing in some plastic bottles since the guests were going to have salad along with their meal. When the guests started arriving, we had to serve them drinks. There were some speeches given, and then we brought out the food. They had dessert as well. I was basically a waitress the whole time. After the guests left, we had to clean up everything, which included dishes, cups, table cloths, trash, tables, and chairs. Overall, I put in 6 hours of community service.
11 hours
+6 hours
---------------
17 hours out of 25 hours
Bracelets and more about the 20 hours...
3/17/2018
Today I spend 5 hours making bracelets. This type of bracelet is easier to make so it doesn't take as long to make just one, and I decided to add beads or a charm to make them look nicer. So...
6 hours
+ 5 hours
________
11 hours out of 20 hours
Yes, they are very time consuming to make depending on the style, colors, and other type of decorations that you decide to put on them. Here are some pictures...
3/17/2018
Today I spend 5 hours making bracelets. This type of bracelet is easier to make so it doesn't take as long to make just one, and I decided to add beads or a charm to make them look nicer. So...
6 hours
+ 5 hours
________
11 hours out of 20 hours
Yes, they are very time consuming to make depending on the style, colors, and other type of decorations that you decide to put on them. Here are some pictures...
These charms were actually part of some earrings that I was going to throw away and I decided to use them for something special instead.
Here are some other bracelets that I have made in the past just so you can see how many different bracelets are possible of being made by hand.
More about my 20 hours...(also, I have added a new post under the Honors Events tab)
3/12/2018
So far I have spend an accumulated time of about three hours towards finding out more about tiny homes. I have taken my siblings, mother, and even my father to visit the location of Incredibly Tiny Homes just so they can see what I want to work on for my thesis and where I wish to work during the summer as a drafter. I have even worked on my resume and turned it in to the company so that they know a little bit more about me. I have yet to speak to my mentor about my plans to change the topic of my thesis because I am never able to find him. Hopefully this week I can somehow manage to find time to talk to him.
I am now planning to use my 20 hours to go toward working on my bracelets and my thesis since I think that this will help me become better and happier as a whole. I have not forgotten about working with the children of the daycare/kindergarten classroom where I used to work at, I just got so caught up with the excitement of the topic of tiny homes and tiny living. At this point, I can easily say that I have spend 6 hours out of the 20 that are needed, not including the time I have spent actually typing up the new thesis.
3/12/2018
So far I have spend an accumulated time of about three hours towards finding out more about tiny homes. I have taken my siblings, mother, and even my father to visit the location of Incredibly Tiny Homes just so they can see what I want to work on for my thesis and where I wish to work during the summer as a drafter. I have even worked on my resume and turned it in to the company so that they know a little bit more about me. I have yet to speak to my mentor about my plans to change the topic of my thesis because I am never able to find him. Hopefully this week I can somehow manage to find time to talk to him.
I am now planning to use my 20 hours to go toward working on my bracelets and my thesis since I think that this will help me become better and happier as a whole. I have not forgotten about working with the children of the daycare/kindergarten classroom where I used to work at, I just got so caught up with the excitement of the topic of tiny homes and tiny living. At this point, I can easily say that I have spend 6 hours out of the 20 that are needed, not including the time I have spent actually typing up the new thesis.
New Thesis Idea
3/6/18
I've decided to change the topic of my thesis. It originally was going to be about the sifting methods used in paleontology, but after having tried to look at literature involving this I decided that it's not really for me. It would certainly be a neat project to work on for someone else, but not for me. At first, I agreed to write about this for my thesis because I didn't have anything else in mind to write about, and it DID appeal to me. Finding the literature for the literature review is something that I've struggled with and could have perhaps led to what little interest I had to die off completely. Now, I think I've found something that is related to my major and could become of great interest to me.
Last weekend, I was feeling upset because I thought it was time for me to start looking for a part-time job again. Unfortunately for me, a lot of drafting jobs don't hire part-time and I really wanted a drafting or designing job. Then, I remembered hearing about a place in Morristown that builds tiny homes. I googled the address and took my two younger siblings with me. When we got there, we found this desolate-looking building, but when we walked inside is when I saw the tiny homes being built. I was so amazed! Some of the tiny homes they were building looked like luxury homes from the inside. The attention to detail that some of these had is what made me get interested in asking if they needed drafters. They said they did, but if I wanted to work part-time I would have to talk to the owner about it. If I can get a job here, even if full-time during the summer, I could get a first-hand experience of what it takes to build one of these homes and write about it for my thesis.
3/6/18
I've decided to change the topic of my thesis. It originally was going to be about the sifting methods used in paleontology, but after having tried to look at literature involving this I decided that it's not really for me. It would certainly be a neat project to work on for someone else, but not for me. At first, I agreed to write about this for my thesis because I didn't have anything else in mind to write about, and it DID appeal to me. Finding the literature for the literature review is something that I've struggled with and could have perhaps led to what little interest I had to die off completely. Now, I think I've found something that is related to my major and could become of great interest to me.
Last weekend, I was feeling upset because I thought it was time for me to start looking for a part-time job again. Unfortunately for me, a lot of drafting jobs don't hire part-time and I really wanted a drafting or designing job. Then, I remembered hearing about a place in Morristown that builds tiny homes. I googled the address and took my two younger siblings with me. When we got there, we found this desolate-looking building, but when we walked inside is when I saw the tiny homes being built. I was so amazed! Some of the tiny homes they were building looked like luxury homes from the inside. The attention to detail that some of these had is what made me get interested in asking if they needed drafters. They said they did, but if I wanted to work part-time I would have to talk to the owner about it. If I can get a job here, even if full-time during the summer, I could get a first-hand experience of what it takes to build one of these homes and write about it for my thesis.
Bracelet Finished
2/27/18
This is the finished bracelet. It took me an accumulated time of about 3 hours.
2/27/18
This is the finished bracelet. It took me an accumulated time of about 3 hours.
In the Process...
2/23/2018
So, for my proposal I plan to work on activities with children at a school in Morristown. I am still in the process of coming up with fun activities or crafts to do with the children there, and I also have to go over to the school and ask the director for permission and let her know what I plan on doing. Hopefully it all turns out well.
While I am working on that, I also plan to do something a little bit more for myself. I love crafts and I haven't made any bracelets for a long time. I decided that it would be a good idea to pick up this hobby once more, since it was something that made me incredibly happy in the past. I began making a bracelet already, and I have been working on it on some of my spare time; I haven't been able to finish it in one sitting. For an accumulated time of about 40 minutes, this is what I have so far...
2/23/2018
So, for my proposal I plan to work on activities with children at a school in Morristown. I am still in the process of coming up with fun activities or crafts to do with the children there, and I also have to go over to the school and ask the director for permission and let her know what I plan on doing. Hopefully it all turns out well.
While I am working on that, I also plan to do something a little bit more for myself. I love crafts and I haven't made any bracelets for a long time. I decided that it would be a good idea to pick up this hobby once more, since it was something that made me incredibly happy in the past. I began making a bracelet already, and I have been working on it on some of my spare time; I haven't been able to finish it in one sitting. For an accumulated time of about 40 minutes, this is what I have so far...
Proposal
2/14/2018
Since I’ve started attending ETSU, my time-management skills have really gotten bad. I used to not be like this since I would always work on my homework first and then have some time for myself. Since I was in high school, I had always turned in all my assignments on time and worked on everything that was asked of me to the best of my abilities. Realizing that I am no longer that over-achiever that I used to be has gotten me worried and really upset. I have been trying to restore myself to where I used to be academically, but so far I have not been very successful.
So, my collo project is going to focus on myself and trying to improve my mental state so that I can be able to do better at school. This perhaps will have nothing to do with anything related to my major, but instead on something that makes me feel grateful to have what I DO have and not focus on what I don’t have. Being around children makes me feel happy because children don’t judge you the way that adults do, so I would like to volunteer at the school that I used to work at again and introduce a special project with the young children there. I think that creativity is important and I would like to work on a craft with them. Allowing them to harness their creativity at a young age, rather than have them watch a movie or play with the same toys they have been playing with for quite some time, seems like a great way to allow them to learn about themselves more and get their brains working. I can make this either a community service project or just simply something extra that I can do for myself to relieve some stress. Either way, I do see it as a good idea for self-fulfillment or personal growth since I wouldn’t just be doing something for myself, but others as well.
2/14/2018
Since I’ve started attending ETSU, my time-management skills have really gotten bad. I used to not be like this since I would always work on my homework first and then have some time for myself. Since I was in high school, I had always turned in all my assignments on time and worked on everything that was asked of me to the best of my abilities. Realizing that I am no longer that over-achiever that I used to be has gotten me worried and really upset. I have been trying to restore myself to where I used to be academically, but so far I have not been very successful.
So, my collo project is going to focus on myself and trying to improve my mental state so that I can be able to do better at school. This perhaps will have nothing to do with anything related to my major, but instead on something that makes me feel grateful to have what I DO have and not focus on what I don’t have. Being around children makes me feel happy because children don’t judge you the way that adults do, so I would like to volunteer at the school that I used to work at again and introduce a special project with the young children there. I think that creativity is important and I would like to work on a craft with them. Allowing them to harness their creativity at a young age, rather than have them watch a movie or play with the same toys they have been playing with for quite some time, seems like a great way to allow them to learn about themselves more and get their brains working. I can make this either a community service project or just simply something extra that I can do for myself to relieve some stress. Either way, I do see it as a good idea for self-fulfillment or personal growth since I wouldn’t just be doing something for myself, but others as well.
COMMUNITY SERVICE HOURS...
12/12/17
For my community service hours I worked on two different events to get the minimum of five hours.
The first community service event was where I helped set up a tent and and tables, and drag over an
incredibly heavy barbecue grill (with some help) over to the front of the Ada Earnest House for a tailgate party. I helped set up some of the food and drinks on the tables as well. While I didn't actually enjoy the tailgate itself, because I am somewhat socially awkward, I talked for a while with some strangers just to get to know them. I ate some food because I got incredibly hungry.
On November 23rd, I completed the remainder of the three hours by going to Morristown Covenant Academy, where I used to work, and spend some time with the children I used to teach, play, and take care of. I had missed them very much and so I thought it would be a good idea to ask Miss Diana (the director of the Early Learning Center at the same school) if it was okay to do some community service hours there. She said it was fine so I went and took my younger sister, Melanie, along with me so she could meet some of the children. I got to spend some time with Kimberly, the new teacher's aid that replaced me, and got to play outside with the little kids for a while. I got to see Lacee, who was my youth pastor when I was a horrible teenager, as she was going to pick up her five year old daughter from the school. The last time I saw her was at church about two years ago. Seeing so many people that I had truly missed made me very happy. For me, it was mostly a service to myself because I wasn't so lonely and upset anymore. When it was time to go home, though, I felt incredibly sad that I had to go back home and deal with huge loads of homework. It's okay though. It was worth it.
12/12/17
For my community service hours I worked on two different events to get the minimum of five hours.
The first community service event was where I helped set up a tent and and tables, and drag over an
incredibly heavy barbecue grill (with some help) over to the front of the Ada Earnest House for a tailgate party. I helped set up some of the food and drinks on the tables as well. While I didn't actually enjoy the tailgate itself, because I am somewhat socially awkward, I talked for a while with some strangers just to get to know them. I ate some food because I got incredibly hungry.
On November 23rd, I completed the remainder of the three hours by going to Morristown Covenant Academy, where I used to work, and spend some time with the children I used to teach, play, and take care of. I had missed them very much and so I thought it would be a good idea to ask Miss Diana (the director of the Early Learning Center at the same school) if it was okay to do some community service hours there. She said it was fine so I went and took my younger sister, Melanie, along with me so she could meet some of the children. I got to spend some time with Kimberly, the new teacher's aid that replaced me, and got to play outside with the little kids for a while. I got to see Lacee, who was my youth pastor when I was a horrible teenager, as she was going to pick up her five year old daughter from the school. The last time I saw her was at church about two years ago. Seeing so many people that I had truly missed made me very happy. For me, it was mostly a service to myself because I wasn't so lonely and upset anymore. When it was time to go home, though, I felt incredibly sad that I had to go back home and deal with huge loads of homework. It's okay though. It was worth it.
Going to the Honors Social
11/16/2017
I went to the Honors Social on Tuesday 11/14/2017. I almost didn't go to this event but I figured that I would go since my friend Maritza was going to go as well. We both didn't want to go alone, so we went together. I am glad that I went since I got to talk to some of the other Midways and I got to see a lot of the other students that are part of the honors college as well.
I had wanted to stay for the dance, but the room where everyone was dancing was very small. So, Maritza and I decided to leave. The food was decent though. In the end, I'm glad that I went.
11/16/2017
I went to the Honors Social on Tuesday 11/14/2017. I almost didn't go to this event but I figured that I would go since my friend Maritza was going to go as well. We both didn't want to go alone, so we went together. I am glad that I went since I got to talk to some of the other Midways and I got to see a lot of the other students that are part of the honors college as well.
I had wanted to stay for the dance, but the room where everyone was dancing was very small. So, Maritza and I decided to leave. The food was decent though. In the end, I'm glad that I went.
I don't know what's going on with me...
11/16/17
As the semester goes on, I just feel more and more sad each day and I don't know why. I wish I knew what to do to fix it. Is it that I feel like I don't belong in the Midway Honors Scholars Program? Is it that I don't feel good enough? That I am not smart enough? Right now, I have been struggling with my classes, especially Physics. So I have been going to tutoring. This has never happened to me before. I have never gone to tutoring for anything, because I felt that I could always figure things out on my own if I there was something that I didn't understand. I've tried to the best that I can, but I find it very difficult to pay attention in class. Is it the teachers? Or is it me?
I have never struggled so much in my entire life to wake up in the morning. I think about my family every day and I miss them very much. I've been going to counseling, but as soon as I leave I feel like I need to go find someone else to talk to. Maybe I'm just extremely lonely, but the strange thing is that when I was in high school I felt isolated as well, even within a certain group of so called "friends". I learned to cope with it within a month and I was fine. I did good high school and in community college. I felt capable and in control. I've been here at ETSU since August and I still feel like I'm an outcast no matter what I do. I try to talk to the other honors students and even other students during class, but I still feel so incomplete. I feel trapped and like nothing is ever going to get better. I want this feeling to go away and it won't leave me. I used to be so productive and it makes me angry to feel like the quality of my work is not very good anymore. It makes so angry or upset to know that when I go to class I don't understand what is being taught because I can't focus properly. I try to study, but every time that I do I start thinking about my family again and how much I miss them. I think about how much they need me and how I left them to come here to this school. I feel absolutely horrible. I left, and everything is falling apart. Things had fallen apart before when I was still living with my family, but I had managed to stay sane because I had my mother with me. My mother and I have been through so much together and I would come home everyday from school to talk to her about my problems and she always knew what to say to make me feel better. Now, I barely get to talk to her because we are so busy. I have so many things to do and I haven't done them because I keep procrastinating. I keep procrastinating because I constantly have this feeling of being trapped and that things are never going to get better. The truth is, no one can possibly understand how I am feeling. All I ever hear from people is words like "you'll get used to it". I want to get used to it, but I don't know how. I need to get used to this quickly, or my grades are going to get worse and I don't want that to happen, but at the same time if it did I would go back with my family.
I just don't feel like I belong in this program. I don't know why I was picked. I got lucky, but now I am here I have to learn to deal with this. I just don't know how. I can't do it on my own, but this time I am completely alone.
11/16/17
As the semester goes on, I just feel more and more sad each day and I don't know why. I wish I knew what to do to fix it. Is it that I feel like I don't belong in the Midway Honors Scholars Program? Is it that I don't feel good enough? That I am not smart enough? Right now, I have been struggling with my classes, especially Physics. So I have been going to tutoring. This has never happened to me before. I have never gone to tutoring for anything, because I felt that I could always figure things out on my own if I there was something that I didn't understand. I've tried to the best that I can, but I find it very difficult to pay attention in class. Is it the teachers? Or is it me?
I have never struggled so much in my entire life to wake up in the morning. I think about my family every day and I miss them very much. I've been going to counseling, but as soon as I leave I feel like I need to go find someone else to talk to. Maybe I'm just extremely lonely, but the strange thing is that when I was in high school I felt isolated as well, even within a certain group of so called "friends". I learned to cope with it within a month and I was fine. I did good high school and in community college. I felt capable and in control. I've been here at ETSU since August and I still feel like I'm an outcast no matter what I do. I try to talk to the other honors students and even other students during class, but I still feel so incomplete. I feel trapped and like nothing is ever going to get better. I want this feeling to go away and it won't leave me. I used to be so productive and it makes me angry to feel like the quality of my work is not very good anymore. It makes so angry or upset to know that when I go to class I don't understand what is being taught because I can't focus properly. I try to study, but every time that I do I start thinking about my family again and how much I miss them. I think about how much they need me and how I left them to come here to this school. I feel absolutely horrible. I left, and everything is falling apart. Things had fallen apart before when I was still living with my family, but I had managed to stay sane because I had my mother with me. My mother and I have been through so much together and I would come home everyday from school to talk to her about my problems and she always knew what to say to make me feel better. Now, I barely get to talk to her because we are so busy. I have so many things to do and I haven't done them because I keep procrastinating. I keep procrastinating because I constantly have this feeling of being trapped and that things are never going to get better. The truth is, no one can possibly understand how I am feeling. All I ever hear from people is words like "you'll get used to it". I want to get used to it, but I don't know how. I need to get used to this quickly, or my grades are going to get worse and I don't want that to happen, but at the same time if it did I would go back with my family.
I just don't feel like I belong in this program. I don't know why I was picked. I got lucky, but now I am here I have to learn to deal with this. I just don't know how. I can't do it on my own, but this time I am completely alone.
Where am I going?
11/2/17
This week in our colloquium class we discussed what makes a happy, good, successful, or useful life. We were divided into groups, and the group that I was in got to discuss what we thought makes a happy life. We concluded that in order for someone to be happy he or she needs to have mental stability, companionship, and the necessary basic needs to be happy. In our group, we had all agreed that these components are what a happy life consists of, but we were quickly challenged by our classmates. Some of them thought that you don't need mental stability because a person can be happy regardless if they are mentally stable or not; it depends on their perception of the world. Other classmates said that they would not be happy if they only had the bare necessities because they wouldn't be satisfied unless they obtained or achieved more. While many people desire to have companionship, there is some individuals that prefer to be alone. Happiness really does depend on each person because everyone desires different things.
So, what do I personally desire? At this point, I feel that I will not be graduating with a bachelor's degree in my desired field in two years, but that's okay with me. When I run out of funding or if something drastic happens in my life again (which something usually does happen), I will find another way to finish what I started. When I finally reach my goal of becoming an engineer, I want to work in either the manufacturing or automotive sector as an industrial engineer, or in the architectural sector as a drafter. I also hope that I get married to my current boyfriend, because most other men wouldn't be able to deal with my craziness and manage to be as sweet and understanding as he is. I want to have two children and provide them with everything that they need without money being an issue. I don't really want a huge house, I just want something nice to call home. I want to help my parents and siblings in any way that I possibly can even when I no longer live with them. So far, I have messed up a lot of things in my life but the important part is to keep trying and to hope for the best.
11/2/17
This week in our colloquium class we discussed what makes a happy, good, successful, or useful life. We were divided into groups, and the group that I was in got to discuss what we thought makes a happy life. We concluded that in order for someone to be happy he or she needs to have mental stability, companionship, and the necessary basic needs to be happy. In our group, we had all agreed that these components are what a happy life consists of, but we were quickly challenged by our classmates. Some of them thought that you don't need mental stability because a person can be happy regardless if they are mentally stable or not; it depends on their perception of the world. Other classmates said that they would not be happy if they only had the bare necessities because they wouldn't be satisfied unless they obtained or achieved more. While many people desire to have companionship, there is some individuals that prefer to be alone. Happiness really does depend on each person because everyone desires different things.
So, what do I personally desire? At this point, I feel that I will not be graduating with a bachelor's degree in my desired field in two years, but that's okay with me. When I run out of funding or if something drastic happens in my life again (which something usually does happen), I will find another way to finish what I started. When I finally reach my goal of becoming an engineer, I want to work in either the manufacturing or automotive sector as an industrial engineer, or in the architectural sector as a drafter. I also hope that I get married to my current boyfriend, because most other men wouldn't be able to deal with my craziness and manage to be as sweet and understanding as he is. I want to have two children and provide them with everything that they need without money being an issue. I don't really want a huge house, I just want something nice to call home. I want to help my parents and siblings in any way that I possibly can even when I no longer live with them. So far, I have messed up a lot of things in my life but the important part is to keep trying and to hope for the best.
What do I value?
9/27/17
During the course of my twenty-one years of life, my appearance, my thinking, and the way I feel about certain people or places have changed dramatically. If I was to look back through a photo album, a diary, or a box of old items that I treasured, I would probably find that some of those objects, words, concepts, memories, or images aren’t as valuable to me now as they used to be. As a child, all I cared about were cartoons, toys, and my parents. As a teenager, I only wanted to listen to music, dress in black, and hang out with my friends. Now, as a young adult, I seem to mostly care about my education and how that ties to my future success.
The month I have spent here at ETSU has been a very difficult one, because I’ve had to get used to being away from my family, and they mean so much to me. I consider my family to be my mother, father, brother, and sister. I want to help them as much as I can before I leave them to start my own family, but deep down inside I know that even when I have different responsibilities, I will still keep in touch with them and do what I can for them. My boyfriend has been so honest, kind, and supportive to us that at this point, even if I’ve only known him for two years, I consider him family too. I don’t think I could ever function without them, and if something ever happened to one of them I don’t know what I’d do. Loving my family, above all else, is what keeps me going.
So far, this entry sounds like I have spent all my days with my family and that I can't spend a day without them, but I've had to travel or spend long days and nights without them on a certain occasions. When I don’t have time to talk to them on the phone, what do I have left to keep me strong? The answer to that would be my faith. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I consider my religion and my faith to be the same. I don’t go to church very often, and even when I do go, I never feel comfortable in a building full of people praying and singing to God. I feel ashamed when I admit that, but the truth is that I feel that my faith in God is strongest when I don’t go to church. When I go to church I constantly feel pressured to act a certain way, and I cannot stop noticing the smallest contradictory details about particular individuals and the organization of a church as a whole. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because I question my faith. I have found that studying a couple of verses or details about the Bible or the life of Jesus on my own time suits me best. I am able to have interesting and very meaningful conversations with my own family and friends afterwards. Therefore, I wouldn’t consider myself to be religious, but I do believe in God even when I have been questioned about my faith or my lack of dedication to a church. I believe that no matter what happens, everything certainly happens for a reason and that at the end of it all, I will be fine.
So, what do I value? For those who have known me fairly well, they might think that I value my education very much. I do value this, but my family and faith are the most valuable. If something went horribly wrong and I couldn’t continue going to school anymore, I would find a way to succeed one way or another so I could help provide for those that I love. My faith would keep me going because it gives me a sense of confidence and security. While I do value material objects, I find that having faith and having my family in mind are my ultimate comforts.
9/27/17
During the course of my twenty-one years of life, my appearance, my thinking, and the way I feel about certain people or places have changed dramatically. If I was to look back through a photo album, a diary, or a box of old items that I treasured, I would probably find that some of those objects, words, concepts, memories, or images aren’t as valuable to me now as they used to be. As a child, all I cared about were cartoons, toys, and my parents. As a teenager, I only wanted to listen to music, dress in black, and hang out with my friends. Now, as a young adult, I seem to mostly care about my education and how that ties to my future success.
The month I have spent here at ETSU has been a very difficult one, because I’ve had to get used to being away from my family, and they mean so much to me. I consider my family to be my mother, father, brother, and sister. I want to help them as much as I can before I leave them to start my own family, but deep down inside I know that even when I have different responsibilities, I will still keep in touch with them and do what I can for them. My boyfriend has been so honest, kind, and supportive to us that at this point, even if I’ve only known him for two years, I consider him family too. I don’t think I could ever function without them, and if something ever happened to one of them I don’t know what I’d do. Loving my family, above all else, is what keeps me going.
So far, this entry sounds like I have spent all my days with my family and that I can't spend a day without them, but I've had to travel or spend long days and nights without them on a certain occasions. When I don’t have time to talk to them on the phone, what do I have left to keep me strong? The answer to that would be my faith. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I consider my religion and my faith to be the same. I don’t go to church very often, and even when I do go, I never feel comfortable in a building full of people praying and singing to God. I feel ashamed when I admit that, but the truth is that I feel that my faith in God is strongest when I don’t go to church. When I go to church I constantly feel pressured to act a certain way, and I cannot stop noticing the smallest contradictory details about particular individuals and the organization of a church as a whole. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because I question my faith. I have found that studying a couple of verses or details about the Bible or the life of Jesus on my own time suits me best. I am able to have interesting and very meaningful conversations with my own family and friends afterwards. Therefore, I wouldn’t consider myself to be religious, but I do believe in God even when I have been questioned about my faith or my lack of dedication to a church. I believe that no matter what happens, everything certainly happens for a reason and that at the end of it all, I will be fine.
So, what do I value? For those who have known me fairly well, they might think that I value my education very much. I do value this, but my family and faith are the most valuable. If something went horribly wrong and I couldn’t continue going to school anymore, I would find a way to succeed one way or another so I could help provide for those that I love. My faith would keep me going because it gives me a sense of confidence and security. While I do value material objects, I find that having faith and having my family in mind are my ultimate comforts.
Week #4
9/24/17
There's nothing great to talk about. The only event that is worth mentioning is that I went to a Native American performance on the 21st at ETSU. That was pretty fun to watch and it made me forget my troubles for a while. Please feel free to check that out under the "Honors Events" tab of this blog.
9/24/17
There's nothing great to talk about. The only event that is worth mentioning is that I went to a Native American performance on the 21st at ETSU. That was pretty fun to watch and it made me forget my troubles for a while. Please feel free to check that out under the "Honors Events" tab of this blog.
Well, the second week was a little better...
Week #2
9/8/17
My second week at ETSU wasn't as bad as the first. I'm still very homesick, but the situation, overall, is starting to get a little easier. Now, before anyone starts wondering why I have a cool picture with an awesome castle and some marvelous dragons...it's because I miss watching Game of Thrones already. Yes, at this point I've watched every episode. I just want to watch the seasons all over again, from the very beginning. Anyway, this week at school I did go to a Women on Wednesdays lecture. I have decided to make a separate tab dedicated to written reflections or summaries of such events that I go to. Please feel free to check that section out and leave some comments.
9/8/17
My second week at ETSU wasn't as bad as the first. I'm still very homesick, but the situation, overall, is starting to get a little easier. Now, before anyone starts wondering why I have a cool picture with an awesome castle and some marvelous dragons...it's because I miss watching Game of Thrones already. Yes, at this point I've watched every episode. I just want to watch the seasons all over again, from the very beginning. Anyway, this week at school I did go to a Women on Wednesdays lecture. I have decided to make a separate tab dedicated to written reflections or summaries of such events that I go to. Please feel free to check that section out and leave some comments.
The Struggle is Real
Week #1
8/30/17
To start off, I'm currently at the library trying to get as much as I can get done in homework. I have one or two books left to buy, and a new calculator. My old TI-84 stopped working. I am currently living off campus in order to make expenses lower, but it makes me very upset that there is no internet provided, which is very necessary for doing my homework. I am also waiting anxiously for my financial aid, because I took a year off of school. For that reason, I am no longer eligible for the Hope or Aspire scholarship, which requires you to go to school continuously. I was not told this at the Walters State financial aid office. I think it's important to know that the financial aid office at Walters State isn't all that great, but the school itself is amazing. As I sit here typing this, I keep thinking that I should've stayed another year there to make my time here at ETSU shorter. So, to whoever is reading this, please make sure you know what you are planning to study before you transfer. You should probably ask yourself, "Can I take some of these classes here at my community college instead of taking them at a regular university?" Take all the classes you can in community college, and you will save time and LOADS of money.
Don't listen to the stupidity that financial aid advisors will tell you because the Pell Grant offers plenty of semesters of financial aid. When I went to ask them about financial aid at Walters State (after I had graduated with my associate's degree), they basically told me that I wouldn't be getting any more financial aid unless I went to a four-year institution to pursue a bachelor's degree. So now, I am here at ETSU regretting ever listening to them. The major that I picked might actually take longer than two years to complete. At this point, I have no clue what to do.
8/30/17
To start off, I'm currently at the library trying to get as much as I can get done in homework. I have one or two books left to buy, and a new calculator. My old TI-84 stopped working. I am currently living off campus in order to make expenses lower, but it makes me very upset that there is no internet provided, which is very necessary for doing my homework. I am also waiting anxiously for my financial aid, because I took a year off of school. For that reason, I am no longer eligible for the Hope or Aspire scholarship, which requires you to go to school continuously. I was not told this at the Walters State financial aid office. I think it's important to know that the financial aid office at Walters State isn't all that great, but the school itself is amazing. As I sit here typing this, I keep thinking that I should've stayed another year there to make my time here at ETSU shorter. So, to whoever is reading this, please make sure you know what you are planning to study before you transfer. You should probably ask yourself, "Can I take some of these classes here at my community college instead of taking them at a regular university?" Take all the classes you can in community college, and you will save time and LOADS of money.
Don't listen to the stupidity that financial aid advisors will tell you because the Pell Grant offers plenty of semesters of financial aid. When I went to ask them about financial aid at Walters State (after I had graduated with my associate's degree), they basically told me that I wouldn't be getting any more financial aid unless I went to a four-year institution to pursue a bachelor's degree. So now, I am here at ETSU regretting ever listening to them. The major that I picked might actually take longer than two years to complete. At this point, I have no clue what to do.